Monday, March 26, 2007

Ho Humm.....

Ho hum, Spring has sprung and I'm saying "so what".

Yes, I admit I'm on a bit of a let down after singing a great solo which received a huge applause yesterday - but it's more than that.

I only seem to be living for the week-end while trying to figure out my "greater purpose in life". I'm way into a career that I'm not sure is best suited to me, now that I know who I am much better, and I'm wondering how it all happened. I can't afford to change careers - I feel I'm stuck. It's also hard to juggle work/life balance and live stress free because of competing priorities all around. Friends and family often think that because I'm currently single that it should be easier. It isn't easier - it's just different. The only shoulders I can truly lean on are my own; the only serious intimate dialogue I have is with myself and the only ones who often see me after a long depressing day at work are my two cats.... who really only use me as a petting machine, a feeding machine or pillow.

Aah yes, as I approach these final days of March, I believe I'm experiencing some sort of mid-life reflection, if not a crisis.

Ho hum

14 comments:

Dale said...

Lesley, I do know how difficult it is to be single.
Everything that happens falls directly upon your shoulders - the good and the bad. There's no one (who really cares) to hash it over with and share the load and responsibility.
I was a single parent, as well as never in a good, meaningful relationship until my mid-thirties.
I can empathise with you.
I feel with you.

It's not easy.
I think it's more difficult being single...

I'm here if you need an ear.

Love
Dale

Dale said...

They must use mutant snails these days...that was quick.

Anne-Marie said...

Hi Lesley,
sorry you're having the ho-hums. Wanna talk over some fondue sometime soon?

grace said...

Oh Lesley, life can really suck sometimes!! Sorry, I feel your frustration, didn't know how else to say it!! But you can look at it like when you come home you have those lovely cats seeking your love and attention, not using you. You know they love you. Although I feel that way about my 2 dogs, b ut they are what makes my every day. I look at little things these days to make day worthwhile. Life gets so mundane but remember spring is here, and look at that photo in your last post and see what you can do to feel that way.
oo take care xx

grace said...

hmmm, I'll make some blueberry muffins and be right over for tea? k?

Lannio said...

Thanks guys, fondue and blueberry muffins sound good.

I think I can attribute part of this feeling as "March29-itis"!

E.L. Wisty said...

Hi Lannio,

Hopefully you will find the balance, whatever form it might take.

Maria

Dale said...

March 29th - celebrate!!

Thinking of you.

xx
Dale

ian gordon said...

Being single is certainly not easier. No "safety net", no "sounding board", no truly reliable support, in fact all the things you really need when considering life changing decisions.

Also the life / work balance goes out the window because singles often work longer hours, finding something in the work which compensates for the "silence" at home. It all mounts up.

Very honest post. I think writing it down and bringing it out is a good starting point regarding "that" decision and finding your "greater purpose". Big changes are hard to make. But what would you like to be doing NEXT Spring?

gypsy noir said...

Lannio these mid week/month crises are just reflection and deep thinking...a spring clean of thoughts...theres always better days ahead..i spend a lot of time on my own..by choice mainly..i push my family and friends away..i'm terrible for that..

Dale said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LESLEY!!!

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Do what you want and enjoy doing it!

Much love
Dale

gypsy noir said...

yes!,,everybody..
2-3..happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birday dear l-e-s-l-e-y!
harmony now..
HAPPY BIRDTHDAY TO YOUOOOOOO!!
PIP PIP!..HOORAH!!!!!!..

Anne-Marie said...

Happy birthday, Lesley, from both of us. May all your dreams come true, and then some!

Mary Beth said...

Hi Lesley,

I'm *still* trying to figure out my greater purpose in life. I know exactly what you mean, and I hear your frustration. Somwtimes just when we have these reflections, something great will come along and make it seem better. I think it's definitely more difficult being single and having to fend for and rely on only yourself.

Oh, and Happy Birthday!!!!